Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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