I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
