answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We are two peas in an std pod
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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