I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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