i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
