Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
