Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
