I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
