Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
