My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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