i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
