just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
