Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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