It's Friday. Sex?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
