I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
