I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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