Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
