he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
