i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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