sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
