when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
