Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
