The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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