I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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