My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
