Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
