Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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