Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
