Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
