her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
