please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
