if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
