I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
