I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
