I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
