A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
