I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
