I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
