I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
