I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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