Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
