News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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