I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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