She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
