my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
