Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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