i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
