so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
