Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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