Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
