I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
