You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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